December 9, 2016 by T. Gregory Argall
“Everyone talks about the weather but nobody does anything about it.”
The Grim Reaper has a serious grudge against famous people this year.
From musicians to actors, writers to visual artists. Outliers and achievers of all stripes. Damn it, we even lost astronaut John Glenn earlier this week.
It’s been horrible, and with every new celebrity death notice comes a plethora of Facebook and Twitter posts urging 2016, as an entity, to just go screw itself.
It’s been a rough year.
However, in the midst of this year-long parade of TMZ carnage, a bold, defiant light yet shines.
Today, December 9, is Kirk Douglas’s one hundredth birthday and his still with us. He looked 2016 in the eye, sat up a wee bit, and metaphorically mumbled “I am Spartacus.”
And 2016 backed the hell off because it knows better than to mess with Kirk Douglas.
And that inspired a thought, which led to an idea, that hatched into a plan.
There is a way we can express the indomitable human spirit and collectively raise our middle fingers to the Celebrity Death Machine© that is 2016. The ultimate “screw you” to 2016 would be having Kirk Douglas and Betty White mate.
For the proper symbolism they could conceive a child on New Year’s Eve. Say, around 4:30 or 5:00 in the afternoon. Because, you know, they need their rest, can’t stay up too late.
Imagine how powerful, inspiring, and potentially immortal this child will be.
Imagine the joy and celebration that will result.
Imagine a new age of hope without constant reminders of celebrity mortality.
Just don’t imagine the act of conception between these two giants of entertainment and longevity. Don’t even think about the sounds they’ll make.
(I am not responsible for how vivid and detailed your imagination may be.)
Try to be nice to each other.