May 11, 2018 by T. Gregory Argall
It’s time to announce the winners of the Annual Meme-y Awards!
As everyone knows, the Annual Meme-y Awards have been a long-standing and well-respected tradition since we first came up with the idea sometime prior to now. You’re reading this on the internet so you know it’s true. The Annual Meme-y Awards recognize and celebrate the very best meme-ery and troll-fodder that the internet has to offer.
The first category is Best Mis-Quote Of An Historical Figure.
The award goes to… “Abe Lincoln Says Kanye’s Right!”
When Kanye West exercised his First Amendment right to voice an ignorant and uninformed opinion people rightfully turned on him. However, his three most dedicated and brain-damaged fans quickly sprung to his defense and produced a plethora of memes supporting his claim that black people chose to be slaves. It was sad and pathetic but it did result in an image of Abraham Lincoln with this quote: “As compassionate humans we must stop letting proud black men choose slavery and we must force them to accept their freedom. Also The Life Of Pablo is a dope jam.” – Abraham Lincoln, page 17 of the Gettysburg Address.
We checked. it doesn’t say that anywhere in Lincoln’s speech.
And now the award for Most Reposts Of A Screencap Of A False Claim Filled With Spelling Mistakes.
And the award goes to… Jethro Bushtrump’s rant about Pepsi Cola, gun control, North Korean mimes, and the Mexican space program.
In only eight sentences, Mr. Bushtrump managed to cram seven dubious claims, six outright lies, ten racial slurs, 147 spelling mistakes, and 32 grammatical errors, including 17 erroneous apostrophes. His rant was reposted 2,849,236 times. So there.
Next we have the award for Best Ridiculous Claim About Facebook.
The award goes to… “Mark Zuckerberg Will Send You A Puppy If You Send Him A Dick Pic!”
Mr. Zuckerberg has paid us a ridiculous amount of money to sponsor this award so that we would tell you that this is absolutely false, there is no Facebook dick pic puppy giveaway, so please stop sending him pictures of your junk. Really. Please stop.
That’s what he says, anyway. He probably just ran out of puppies. Whatever.
Our next category is Funniest Career-Ending Meme.
The award goes to… “The Bishop’s Wife Is A Whore!”
Over in England, when an Anglican Bishop from Norwich and his wife were invited to meet the Royal Family at Buckingham Palace it was the opportunity of a lifetime. Little did they suspect the hilarious and life-destroying meme that would blossom from a simple photo of the Bishop’s wife greeting the Duke of Edinburgh. The photo was taken from the Bishop’s wife’s left side and showed her awkwardly curtsying for Prince Philip. One clever troll added the caption, “FOR TEN QUID I’LL SHOW YOU MY BUM,” and the rest is meme history. Within hours, Reddit was flooded with images showing the Bishop’s wife’s face photoshopped onto strippers, prostitutes, Las Vegas dancers, Camilla, a carload of circus clowns, and a pair of Shetland ponies getting it on.
The Bishop lost his job and we didn’t even bother to learn his name. The Bishop and his wife are now divorced and living separately in a caravan park off the M62 motorway near Manchester, and we can’t stop laughing!
The next award is Best Cat Picture.
And the award goes to… OMG! All of them! I can’t decide! I mean they’re all so cuuuuuuuuute! Every cat picture ever should win this award every time for always! Seriously! I mean it! Every. Single. One. Cat pictures are so freakin’ awesome! Totes adorbs! So fluffeh and cuddleh! #ilovecats #catsrule #alltheawards
We now have a very special presentation, the Thomas A. Bruso Lifetime Achievement Award. This award recognizes the outstanding achievement of a viral video.
And the award goes to… “Grandma Punched A Llama!”
Edith Candice Tobermory, better know as the Llama-Punching Granny, gained immediate fame and popularity when her grandchildren posted a video of her visiting a petting zoo. The video shows her getting upset with a llama for spitting near her. After she yelled angrily at the animal, it nonchalantly spat again, so she hauled off and punched it in the face. The video received thousands of enthusiastic comments, mostly involving the word “epic,” and was reposted over seven million times. In subsequent interviews Mrs. Tobermory often mentioned that she was not a serial killer although no one had actually asked. Further investigation by online fans found that she was, in fact, a serial killer and that her “famous” molasses cookies, greatly loved by her many grandchildren and their friends, were a recipe stolen from one of her victims.
Oh, Internet, will you ever stop changing lives?
As always, try to be nice to each other.