April 27, 2018 by T. Gregory Argall
“And there came a day unlike any other, when earth’s mightiest heroes were united against a common threat! On that day the Avengers were born! — To fight the foes no single super hero could withstand!”
Yeah, sure that’s fine for them, but what about the super heroes that didn’t make the cut? The ones with slightly less-that-dynamic superpowers, the ones who are comfortable fighting the good fight at home on the couch; the ones who aren’t really worth a monthly comic book? What about them?
Well, they’re all here. This is where we meet. You’re welcome to join us. There’s coffee and cookies on the table at the back. Lemme introduce everyone…
There’s The Empathic Burper.
If he focuses on a particular person and then burps, he can identify everything that person has eaten in the last twelve hours. Not a great help if you want to stop a bank robbery, but it’s surprisingly fun at parties.
Next to him is The Mighty Earworm.
She can clearly remember up to 32% of the lyrics from any song ever written.
The twitchy fellow beside her is The Overthinker.
One of the most powerful analytical minds in the world, he can foresee all of the near-infinite outcomes from any possible course of action. Poor bastard hasn’t been able to make a decision in twelve years.
That guy there is MC Yodelicious.
He’s a yodeling rapper. Or a rapping yodeler. One of those. That’s got to be a superpower, right? A mutant ability dealt by the capricious hand of fate? I mean, seriously, who would choose to do that if they didn’t have to?
To his left is The Inexplicable Toe-Stubber.
She stubs her toe. A lot. Like, a lot. In fact she’s stubbed her toe three time since I said her name and she’s just sitting in a chair.
That’s Mr. Three-Inches.
He can fly. Flying is cool, right? That’s a great power to have. But it only works if he stays within three inches of the ground.
Why, what did you think his name meant?
Over there we’ve got The Perpetual Example.
He’s got a weird power. Whatever point your mother is trying to make at any time, about you’re living your life, he’s the example of what you should do instead.
Yeah, he a always whistles that 80s song by Kid Creole and the Coconuts, too.
And my superpower is the uncanny ability to always find good parking spots.
Welcome to the team.
Try to be nice to each other.