The Morning Show On YWM-FM

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August 25, 2017 by T. Gregory Argall


(SFX: classical music finishes)

CATFISH:              It’s 9:22 in the am and you’re listening to Catfish and a Hottie on Classical Music radio YWN-FM, the Mighty Yaaaawn! I’m Catfish McAllister…

HOTTIE:                And I’m Hottie Sunshine.

CATFISH:              We just heard Cello Sonata in G major by Giovanni Battista Sammartini and lemme tell you, that is a great driving tune. Seriously, when I listen to that one in the car, I always get a speeding ticket. Always.

HOTTIE:                (laughing) You’re a danger to everyone on the road.

CATFISH:              (laughing) It’s true. I am. But you just can’t beat the Baroque masters when it comes to tearing up the highway.

(SFX: car horn)

HOTTIE:                (laughing) Oh, stop.

CATFISH:              It’s been a crazy day here in the out-of-control booth.

HOTTIE:                Crazy.

(SFX: slide whistle)

CATFISH:              We were talking earlier about the time Yoyo Ma’s bodyguards beat the stuffing out of a guy that ignored the no flash photography rule.  Dude learned his lesson that’s for sure.

(SFX: punches)

HOTTIE:                He won’t do that again in a hurry.

CATFISH:              No, he won’t. But, that got us talking about memorable concert experiences. Hottie, you had a story about a concert you were at when you were eighteen..?

HOTTIE:                I was seventeen, Catfish.

CATFISH:              Even better.

HOTTIE:                Yeah, it was this outdoor festival in like Boston or somewhere. I don’t remember. Anyway, just before a performance of the Brandenberg Concertos I took some Ecstasy. Because young and foolish, whatever. Anyway it was amazing. I could see the music in the air. It was wild. I heard colours I never knew existed. Amazing concert. I came away from that weekend with a whole new appreciation for the compositions of Johann Sebastian Bach, as well as a baby that will never know who his father is.

(SFX: wah-wah)

CATFISH:              Great story, Hottie, great story. So be sure to keep your radio locked in here at 109.9 at the wild end of your FM dial, the Mighty Yaaaaawn!! At the top of the hour we’re out of here but Snack-Pack Patterson will take over, playing the classical hits non-stop from ten to two. And today is Wednesday so you know what that means…

HOTTIE:                Oooooh, I do. I know exactly what that means, Catfish.

CATFISH:              That’s right. Snack-Pack starts his show with a solid hour of Gregorian chants.

HOTTIE:                Ooooooooh, I love Gregorian chants. I could dance to them forever.

CATFISH:              Then you just go ahead and dance, Hottie. I’ve got a stack of twenty dollars bills ready to use.

(SFX: ah-ooga horn)

HOTTIE:                (laughing) Oh, stop.

CATFISH:              Are you ready to take a note, Hottie?

HOTTIE:                I’m ready, Catfish.

CATFISH:              Good, because it’s time for Take A Note, the game where listeners try to name a classical piece of music based on one note.

HOTTIE:                Exciting.

(SFX: crowd cheering)

CATFISH:              Turn up your radio because here’s the note.

(SFX: one note of music)

HOTTIE:                Oh, nice one. I think I know it.

CATFISH:              Are you sure? Here it is one more time.

(SFX: one note of music)

HOTTIE:                Now I’m not so sure.

CATFISH:              Well, we’ll see how confident our listeners are. Remember you need title and composer in order to win. Today’s prize is a pair of embroidered souvenir oven mitts from the Pelicanville Symphony Orchestra’s tri-county reunion tour in 1973. A very sought after collectable in a small niche market.

HOTTIE:                I’d love to win them but I can’t cook.

CATFISH:              Okay. Let’s go to the phones. Caller One, you’re on the air with Catfish and a Hottie.

GEOFF:                 (echoing) Yeah, is the radio name a song thing?

CATFISH:              (echoing) Can you turn your radio down, please, caller?

GEOFF:                 (echoing) Yeah, sorry. (echoing stops) How’s that?

CATFISH:              Perfect.

GEOFF:                 Cool. So this is the radio name a song thing?

CATFISH:              Yes it is. You’re on the air with Catfish and a Hottie. What’s your name, caller?

GEOFF:                 Uh. It’s Geoff.

CATFISH:              Hi, Geoff.

GEOFF:                 Uh. With a G.

CATFISH:              Geoff with a G. Got it.

(SFX: rimshot)

GEOFF:                 Cool. So, um, is Hottie there?

HOTTIE:                I’m here, Geoff.

GEOFF:                 Oh. Uh. Hi.

HOTTIE:                Hi, Geoff.

GEOFF:                 Yeah. Hi.

HOTTIE:                …Hello.

GEOFF:                 Heh heh, yeah.

CATFISH:              So. Geoff with a G, have you got a guess for today’s Take A Note game or do you want to just continue flirting with Hottie, you smooth talker you?

GOEFF:                 Uh, is that an option?

CATFISH:              No. No, it’s not.

(SFX: disappointed crowd “aaawwww”)

HOTTIE:                You should play the game, Geoff. You might win.

GEOFF:                 Okay. Uh. Is it Nocturne in B-flat minor, Opus 9, Number 1 by Frédéric Chopin?

CATFISH:              Ah, no. You were so close.

HOTTIE:                So close.

CATFISH:              But that wasn’t it. Thanks for playing.

(SFX: air horn)

GEOFF:                 H—(disconnected)

CATFISH:              That was a good guess.

HOTTIE:                He was pretty close.

CATFISH:              Yeah, he had the right century and, well, generally Europe, I guess. Let’s see if the next player does any better. Caller two, you’re on the air with Catfish and a Hottie.

GEOFF:                 Yeah, uh, hi.

CATFISH:              Geoff with a G, is that you? What’ve you got us on speed-dial?

GEOFF:                 Uh. Yeah. I do. Um. Is Hottie there?

HOTTIE:                Hi, Geoff.

GEOFF:                 Uh, hi, um, Hottie.

CATFISH:              Right. So, Geoff with a G, got another guess for today’s Take A Note game?

GEOFF:                 Uh, yeah, is it Franz Schubert ‘s Trio No. 2 in E-flat major for piano, violin, and violoncello?

CATFISH:              Oh, sorry, Geoff with a G, that’s not it.

(SFX: air horn)

GEOFF:                 B—(disconnected)

HOTTIE:                Better luck next time, Geoff.

CATFISH:              Okay, still no winner in classical music radio YWN-FM the Mighty Yaaaaawn’s Take A Note contest. Let’s listen to that note one more time.

HOTTIE:                Yeah, let’s listen to it one more time.

(SFX: one note of music)

HOTTIE:                 Wow. That’s pretty popular note. I mean, a lot of composers used that one.

CATFISH:              Yes, they did. Let’s go back to the phones. Caller three, you’re on the air with Catfish and a Hottie. Do you know the title and composer for today’s Take A Note game?

GEOFF:                 Um. Hi, uh, hi, Hottie.

HOTTIE:                Hi, Geoff. Have you got a guess for Take A Note?

GEOFF:                 Uh, yeah, Hottie. Um, is it Opus 3, Theme and Variations in B-flat major for orchestra by Dmitri Shostakovich?

CATFISH:              You’re not even trying, are you, Geoff with a G? You just want to talk to Hottie, don’t you?

GEOFF:                 Uh. …yeah.

HOTTIE:                Awww…

CATFISH:              Do you want to really impress her?

GEOFF:                 Um, yeah, kind of, sure.

HOTTIE:                Awww…

CATFISH:              Well, do you know the answer, Geoff with a G?  Like, actually know the answer?

GEOFF:                 Um, I think so.

CATFISH:              Good, then just give us the answer. Title and composer. That’ll impress the pants off her. Completely. Pants right off.

(SFX: whoosh)

HOTTIE:                It will.

GEOFF:                 Okay. Um. Is it Symphony Number 4 in E-flat major by Anton Bruckner?

CATFISH:              Geoff…

GEOFF:                 Yeah?

CATFISH:              With a G…

GEOFF:                 Yeah?

CATFISH:              (sigh) That answer is…

GEOFF:                 Yeah?

CATFISH:              Correct!

(SFX: cheering crowd)

HOTTIE:                Well done, Geoff. I’m impressed.

GEOFF:                 Really?

HOTTIE:                Sure.

CATFISH:              Stay on the line, Geoff with a G, and we’ll tell you how to claim your prize.

GEOFF:                 C—(disconnected)

CATFISH:              We’re gonna get back to the music, but first I want to remind you that this weekend marks the seventh anniversary of YWN-FM the Mighty Yaaaaawn. That’s right, seven incredible years of bringing you the best in classical music 24 hours a day.

HOTTIE:                And we’re celebrating with a weekend-long 17th century chamber music dance party, starting Friday afternoon at four and going around the clock until seven Monday morning. Don’t miss it.

CATFISH:              You’re listening to Catfish and a Hottie on classical music radio the Mighty Yaaaawn, 109.9 at the wild end of your FM dial. And now back to the music. Here’s Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony, Fourth Movement to keep your head bopping and your toes tapping.

HOTTIE:                Ooooh, Ode To Joy. I love this one. I do it every Thursday at karaoke.

(SFX: Beethoven’s 9th, Movement IV)


Try to be nice to each other.




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