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July 14, 2017 by T. Gregory Argall

It seems the pineapple-on-pizza debate is continuing to dominate the Facebook newsfeed.

Recently these copy-and-paste articles have been appearing again with alarming frequency…


Prime Minister Julia Gillard (Australia)’s speech on pizza…

Pizza-fascists who want to live under oppressive anti-pineapple law were told on Wednesday to get out of Australia, as the  government targeted radicals in a bid to head off potential pizza terror attacks.

Separately, Gillard angered some Australian pizza-fascists on Wednesday by saying she supported spy agencies monitoring the nation’s pizzerias.


“I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the pizza-fascist attacks on pineapple, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians.  This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom.

“This is OUR COUNTRYOUR LAND, OUR INDIVIDUAL SIZE PIZZA, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this.  But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Topping Choices, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom, ‘THE  RIGHT TO LEAVE.’

“If you aren’t happy here then LEAVE. We didn’t force you to order pizza. You asked to order pizza. So accept the pizza YOU ordered, and let us enjoy the pizza we ordered.”



Pizza-fascist parents have demanded the abolition of pineapple in all the school canteens of a Montreal suburb. It seems it is offensive to the pizza-fascist families and shows much disrespect.

The mayor of the Montreal suburb of Dorval, has refused, and the town clerk sent a note to all parents in the municipality to explain why.

The following is what the note stated:
“Pizza-fascists must understand that they have to adapt to Canada and Quebec, its customs, its traditions, its pizza toppings, its way of life, because that is where they chose to immigrate. They must understand that they have to integrate and learn to live in Quebec. They must understand that it is for them to change their lifestyle, not the Canadians who so generously welcomed them.”

“They must also understand that, no more than other nations, Canadians are not willing to give up their identity, nor their culture, nor their individual topping preferences. And if Canada is a land of welcome, it is not just the Mayor of Dorval who welcomes foreigners, but the Canadian-Quebecois people as a whole. “

“For pizza-fascists who disagree with diverse, individual topping selections and do not feel comfortable in Canada, there are 57 beautiful pizza-loving countries in the world, most of them under-populated and ready to receive them with open arms in accordance with pizza custom. If you left your country for Canada, and not for other pizza-loving countries, it is because you have considered that life is better in Canada than elsewhere. So, ask yourself the question, just once, “Why is it better here in Canada than where you come from?”

“A pizza with pineapple is part of the answer.”


Some will claim that these are not “real” news stories, that they’re made up, cobbled together from various unrelated comments made by different people. Some will even say the original stories weren’t about pineapple on pizza at all, but about bigotry and Islamophobia. And they’d be right.
To them I say… That’s what the internet is for; spreading misinformation, disinformation, distrust, and blatant lies on topics that people are unreasonably passionate about.

The point is, none of us have the right to impose or deny pineapple on someone else’s pizza.
Accept it.

And try to be nice to each other.



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