Hey, Remember That Time..?

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November 25, 2016 by T. Gregory Argall

Another radio script for your possible amusement.

 

    SFX: BAR NOISES, RANDOM CHATTER IN THE BACKGROUND, CLINKING GLASSES AND BOTTLES, ETC.

GUY 1:  Hey, you made it back. I thought you got lost between here and the… facilities.(giggles)

GUY 2:  No, man, I stopped at the bar to get us another round.

GUY 1:  Awesome!

    SFX: BEER BOTTLES CLINKING TOGETHER

GUY 2:  Dude, you will never guess who I just saw.

GUY 1:  What, in the can?

GUY 2:  No, man. Near the can. That table over there.

GUY 1:  I don’t see anyone.

GUY 2:  No, the other table over there. Around the corner. Can’t see it from here.

GUY 1:  What, so I just have to take your word for it that there’s a table over there? And that someone’s sitting at it? Dude, that’s crazy.

GUY 2:  No, trust me, man. This is great. You won’t believe it.

GUY 1:  That’s what I’m saying. I don’t believe it.

GUY 2:  Dude.

GUY 1:  Dude..?

GUY 2:  Seriously. Remember that time in Cleveland at that bar with the elephant head over the door?

GUY 1:  Dude, that was totally a tennis racket.

GUY 2:  No, that other bar in Cleveland.

GUY 1:  Oh, right. Yeah. Elephant head.

GUY 2:  Right, and remember the guy with hat that had, like, eight propellers on it or something? He talking about goldfish and how they were trying to control his mind.

GUY 1:  Good times.

    SFX: BOTTLES CLINKING TOGETHER

GUY 1:  That dude’s here? Is he wearing the hat?

GUY 2:  No, dude. Don’t be stupid. That guy’s not here. Why would he be here, man?

GUY 1:  I don’t know. It’s your story. You tell me why he’s here.

GUY 2:  He’s not. Lemme finish the story. So, remember how the next morning we, like, woke up in that diner place?

GUY 1:  (laughs) Yeah, I had scrambled egg in my hair.

GUY 2:  Right. So later, I went back to the diner and kinda picked up the waitress, right?

GUY 1:  Dude. Score. High five.

    SFX: HANDS SLAPPED TOGETHER

GUY 2:  Yeah. And the dude over there looks exactly like her brother.

GUY 1:  What? You met her brother?

GUY 2:  What? No, why would I meet–? I saw a photo of him at her place. Dude, her brother’s dead.

GUY 1:  Yeah? Probably not him over there then, huh?

GUY 2:  Yeah, probably not. But, hey, small world, huh?

GUY 1:  It sure is. (pause) Hey, remember that time in San Diego?

GUY 2:  When the bikers wanted to harvest our internal organs and sell them on the Chinese black market?

GUY 1:  No, dude, when we went to the zoo and saw the pandas.

GUY 2:  Oh, yeah. (laughs) Those pandas were cute, man. Good times.

    SFX: BOTTLES CLINKING TOGETHER

GUY 1:  I want a panda.

GUY 2:  Dude, what would you do with a panda?

GUY 1:  I’d teach it to clean my apartment. That place is a mess.

GUY 2:  You’re gonna teach a panda how to clean your apartment? Dude, you’ve never cleaned your apartment in your life.

GUY 1:  Exactly. That’s what I need the panda for.

GUY 2:  Good point. Gotcha. (pause) Remember that time we saw that dog and it followed us around for, like, hours and we were so wasted we thought the dog was talking to us, saying, like, poetry and stuff.

GUY 1:  That was last Tuesday, right?

GUY 2:  Yeah, Tuesday. So I wrote down all the dog’s poems, right? And I showed them to this guy I know that knows this other guy that works at this place. So now they’re gonna publish a book with all the poems that the dog told us.

GUY 1:  Dude, that’s awesome. Good times.

GUY 2:  Good times.

    SFX: BOTTLES CLINKING TOGETHER

GUY 1:  Hey, remember that time when the space aliens came down from space and said that the Earth was going to explode but they could fix it, but they had to get everyone off the planet first? So they made these, like, big dimensional gateway portal things in every major city in the world and everyone, I mean, like, everyone, everyone on the planet just lined up and went through and we were all in this, like, alternate dimension but with, like, unlimited buffet and free booze. And while we were there, the little alien dudes fixed the Earth so it wouldn’t blow up anymore, which was kind of cool of them. I mean, that can’t be easy, right? It took them all weekend. But the weird thing is, when we came back to Earth, I couldn’t find my Lynyrd Skynyrd CDs. Like, none of them. Do you think the alien dudes took them?

GUY 2:  Dude… I don’t remember any of that.

GUY 1:  Come on, man. Sure you do. We spent the whole weekend having sex with each other.

GUY 2:  What?

GUY 1:  No, wait. Hold on a second. No. That was your sister.

GUY 2:  Dude, you had me worried there for a second. Thought I was forgetting stuff. (pause) Hey, you spent a weekend doing my sister in the other dimension?

GUY 1:  Well, you sold the poems that dog told us. He told them to both of us, man.

GUY 2:  Dude. I’m gonna split the money with you. Come on, what did you think?

GUY 1:  Aw, thanks, man. And anyway, your sister wasn’t all that good, really.

GUY 2:  Yeah, I’ve heard.

    SFX: LAUGHING

GUY 1:  Good times.

GUY 2:  Good times.

    SFX: BOTTLES CLINKING TOGETHER

 

Try to be nice to each other.

tga

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