The Myth Of The New Pet

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October 14, 2016 by T. Gregory Argall

Christmas is right around the corner (down the road a bit, around another corner, past a closed gate and up a steep hill, but still it’s kind of close). Don’t get caught in the homicide-inducing trap of last-minute shopping. Get your Christmas shopping done now, nice and early, then hide all the gifts so you can panic at the last minute because you can’t remember where you hid them.

And after all, isn’t that what Christmas is all about?

And what makes a better gift than a pet? Nothing, that’s what. The true spirit of Christmas shines through for children when you burden them with the responsibility of keeping a living creature from dying or mauling the neighbours. Give them a pet that they can love and care for until they get bored and lose interest in a surprisingly short time and you end up taking the poor critter out to the woods and setting it free, hoping it will live long enough to turn feral for survival and, oh, look at that, a hawk plucked it up right out of the field and it’s dinner time.

And after all, isn’t that what Christmas is all about?

I know what you’re thinking… “How can I hide a pet for two months?”
(You’re also thinking several other things, but I won’t share them here. We’ll talk later; a few of those thoughts are really intriguing, but at least two of them make me a little uncomfortable.)

We have a solution to the problem of surprise-pet hiding.

Minotaur puppies!

Loyal, strong, adorable and cuddly, we have several litters of newborn mythical man/bull hybrids for you to choose from at Mythos Meadows Magic Puppy Farm. Simply pick one of the many wide-eyed little fellows eager for a new master, take him home, and tuck him in under the stairs. Within an hour, through single-minded force of will, your new pet minotaur will have created a magical labyrinth so physics-mockingly complex that your child will never accidentally find the wondrous gift you have hidden away. In fact, if your child foolishly goes searching for a present in the labyrinth, there’s a very good chance that you’ll never see them again.

Which means you’ll have a minotaur puppy all your own and you won’t have to share it with that ungrateful little brat that was never happy with the gifts you gave him anyway.

And after all, isn’t that what Christmas is all about?

So come on down to Mythos Meadows Magic Puppy Farm and pick out a minotaur puppy. Or if raising a manbull doesn’t hold your interest, we have some baby chupacabras, a pair of five-week old twin basilisks, seven newborn chimeras, a small pool of Kraken guppies, and one two year old manticore.
(As always, we are sold out of unicorns.)

While you’re here, check out our wide selection of squeaky chew toys.

After all, isn’t that what Christmas is all about?

Try to be nice to each other.

tga

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