That Superhero Gossip Magazine

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November 13, 2015 by T. Gregory Argall

Earlier this week on my webcomic “All I Wanted To Do Was Take Over The World” I posted images from a superhero gossip magazine featuring an article that might cause some concern for a couple of the regular characters in the next chapter.
When planning the layout, my main focus was on the visual aspect so some parts of the written article are actually out-of-frame. Some people have asked about the missing bits, because they seem to hint at more details about an incidents from a few chapters ago.
And so, for the completists, here is the full text of the article featured in HERO WATCH MAGAZINE.

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HOW TO BE A SUPER COUPLE

With an origin he cryptically describes as “just another random encounter with cosmic magic in an unexpected place,” Johnny Heat is a rising star on the superhero scene. When pressed for more detail on how he gained his powers, he admits that he still doesn’t understand what happened himself. His origin story continues, but he has promised to tell us the whole tale once he knows what it is.

After a disastrous debut, Johnny took the advice of an acquaintance and took a pre-emptive approach to his image and PR issues. He is very frank about what went wrong with his first public appearance, facing a supervillain who identity still hasn’t been confirmed. (Some say it was Minister Nastiness, a c-list villain of little consequence, while other reports suggest it was Commandant Doomsnuggle, master of the Death Cuddle, an apparently fatal hug inflicted on his enemies.) The villain, says Johnny Heat, fired a weapon at him that caused him to suffer significant vertigo, resulting in him crashing into various buildings in the downtown area. “Not my fault,” Johnny has pled from the start, and fortunately the general public (as well as the city’s insurance carriers) are inclined to believe him.

“I’m all about saving people not destroying things,” he says, obviously still bothered by the circumstances of his first supervillain battle. “I see the beauty in the world around me and I want the people of the city to feel safe to see that beauty, too. That’s what inspires me. People inspire me. This city inspires me. I mean just look at that skyline. It’s inspirational, isn’t it? The city skyline inspires me to greatness, as I’m sure it does for many other people as well.”

After talking for several more minutes about the city and its inspiration, Johnny moved on to review some of his more recent, less destructive, exploits. He successfully captured purse-snatching supervillain Sir Snatchalot, and also thwarted a plot by the villain known as The Spring-Loaded Hipster who attempted to replace the city’s entire food supply with tainted kale. So, overall things are looking up for Johnny Heat.

Amber Fire flying over lake

Meanwhile, Amber Fire has been turning heads in the superhero community since her much more auspicious debut two years ago, when she singlehandedly captured the notorious supervillain Lava Meister. “Just a matter of being in the right place at the right time,” she modestly comments.

But don’t be fooled by her shy humility; as an energy-based superhero, Amber Fire is every bit as powerful as she is beautiful. With a shining smile and a flash of fire from her eyes, she admits that she still hasn’t determined the top-end of her power-scale. So far, under certain circumstances, her power appears to be limitless.

Which can be quite handy for a woman trying to make it as a superhero, something that has traditionally been a male-dominated endeavor.

On the topic of romance, both Amber Fire and Johnny Heat were coy and evasive. They didn’t seem uncomfortable with the question, but they didn’t confirm or deny any recent rumors, either.

Johnny simply said, “When you meet the right person, you just know. You can feel it, deep inside. It’s a strange feeling; it’s new but familiar at the same time. When your cosmically powered cells tingle for no reason, that’s love.” However, he didn’t say whether he had actually met anyone who can make his cells tingle.

Amber Fire admitted that she is currently romantically involved, but wasn’t forthcoming with any more detail. “Yes, I’m seeing someone. No, I won’t tell you who.”

Speculation on the Fire/Heat romance began recently after they were spotted together battling supervillains at several criminal hot-spots around town. It’s entirely possible that these sightings have simply been standard superhero team-ups, but they seem to be happening more frequently. Superfans are excited at the possibilities.

“Just think how adorable the superbabies will be,” enthused superhero archivist and mother of four, Lisa McCann. “If anything, I think the world finally deserves this kind of super-coupling. It’s the right time.” She then went on to speculate on how Amber Fire’s and Johnny Heat’s individual superpowers would combine in their children. “This could be a new renaissance of superheroes. I think Amber and Johnny owe it to their fans to make this work.” She then went on to speculate on how Amber Fire’s and Johnny Heat’s individual superpowers would combine in their children. “This could be a new renaissance of superheroes,” she explained. “I think Amber and Johnny owe it to their fans to make this work.”

Others are not so sure. Doctor Killdeth of the Institute For Further Evil Efforts (IFFEE) says that such a child, or children, could irrevocably upset the balance between heroes and villains. Of course, the ultimate goal of IFFEE has always been questionable, so that hardly adds merit to any argument against the Amber Fire / Johnny Heat romance.

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If you haven’t yet read the webcomic, you can catch up starting here, and it will give you some context for all of this.
If you have already read it, thanks. I appreciate it.
For the truly shameless self-promotion, click here.

Try to be nice to each other.

tga

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