June 5, 2015 by T. Gregory Argall
You know what someone should invent? – Not me, of course, but someone. I’m not an engineer; I’m more like Michael Keaton in “Night Shift.” Figuring out how it works is someone else’s task – Anyway, you know what someone should invent?
A way of sound-proofing a toilet seat.
Stay with me on this; I’ve given it far more thought than it really deserves.
The shape of a toilet bowl and the materials used to make a toilet bowl combine to create the curious side effect of amplifying any sound that is made within the aforementioned bowl. It’s basically an echo chamber under a vertical smile.
I’ve been around long enough to say with confidence that there are absolutely no sounds ever made within the environment in question that you actually want amplified. These are sounds that you want suppressed.
Ever been in a public washroom and inadvertently perform a musical duet with the guy in the next stall? Kind of like dueling banjos, but with tubas and trumpets. The occasional trombone. Not a concert you could sell tickets to.
This is a product the world needs.
Once someone, whoever that someone turns out to be, gets it designed, I’ll step back in to help with the marketing.
Since there are already so many existing toilets already in the world, designing a new kind of toilet seems unnecessarily challenging. This product needs to be an after-market item that people can install on their toilets by themselves.
I don’t know if it will a series of acoustic baffles installed around the toilet seat and bowl, or a “Get Smart”-style cone of silence covering the entire commode assembly, or something even more clever and cool than that, but whatever the final design, it needs to be easily mass-produced and sold in colourful packaging.
I already have the perfect trade name. (See? I told you I’d help with marketing.) Think about it. A product that hides and/or eliminates the sounds inside a toilet bowl can only be called…
Try to be nice to each other.