From The Archives: I Want An Ink Monkey

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May 8, 2015 by T. Gregory Argall

A few years ago I read a book called “Rat Scabies and the Holy Grail” by Christopher Dawes. Dawes is a freelance music jounalist and the book chronicles his adventures with his neighbour, Rat Scabies, the former drummer for the punk band, The Damned. Scabies is, apparently, stark, raving mad, but in a really enjoyable kind of way. Scabies dragged Dawes along on his semi-serious (but probably just to combat boredom) search for the Holy Grail. Obviously, they didn’t have a hope of actually finding the Grail, but it is an interesting and funny journal of the people they meet along the way and various things that distract and side track them from their goal.

At one point during a lull in their search, Scabies latched onto another idea entirely: importing and selling Chinese Ink Monkeys.
According to legend, Chinese scholars in the 13th century were assisted in their writings by two-inch tall monkeys, that had been trained to carry inkpots, arrange pens and turn pages. Ink Monkeys had long been believed extinct, but in the last twenty years there have been claims of new Ink Monkeys being discovered in remote parts of China. These claims are dubious, at best.

However, if Ink Monkeys have indeed returned, then I certainly want in on the ground floor of this marketing goldmine. They’re small enough to be the perfect pet for families with new babies and easliy trained to help out with diaper changes, baby-feedings, etc.
The possibilities are almost endless.

If only Ink Monkeys existed.
Curses! Foiled again.

Try to be nice to each other.


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