Never Forget… Springfield Abused Quark.

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August 19, 2016 by T. Gregory Argall

“That [novel/screenplay/essay/poem/speech] practically wrote itself.”

As a writer, I know that there are times when this happens. I’ve been lucky enough to have it happen to me on a few occasions. That perfect literary zen when the stars and your thoughts align, words flow like wine, and you are so deeply “in the zone” that you can not even yet acknowledging the brilliance pouring onto the page, not until later when you read it back and begin to understand that you were present for a truly magical and blessed moment of linguistic euphoria and you’re thankful that you were the one chosen to be holding the pen when it happened.

You know what I mean.

That didn’t happen to me today. But it did happen. Just not to me.

Today a friend of mine received a mock-up of a brochure being produced for her company. The text for portions of the brochure are not ready and so “filler text” was used. She expected it to be the standard Lorem Ipsum gibberish text that every printing company has used as a placeholder for the last 500 years.

But no, it was something far more impressive. Scanning the document, expecting only to be judging the layout and visual flow, she found herself reading some of the most beautiful, poetic, and inspiring random gibberish she had ever seen. After sharing it with me, we decided that at some point we have to use this prose glorious prose in a wedding speech or funeral eulogy.
Some critics might argue that the underlying message becomes repetitive and redundant. But if it does, clearly it does so in new and continually creative ways, wonderfully highlighting the cyclical yet evolving nature of life and living, thought and word.
I’ll let you be the judge. Here is the deep and moving text, as originally written…

    Two subways kisses elephants. Five mats towed one fountain, but chrysanthemums telephoned five fountains, however one poison easily perused five bourgeois dwarves, but Dan untangles one elephant, and umpteen sheep ran away. Fountains sacrificed one mostly speedy television.
     Five silly tickets noisily marries Phil. Irascible fountains laughed.
     Two quite obese sheep kisses dogs, yet one speedy television cleverly tickled five trailers, although the dogs comfortably kisses poisons, but five wart hogs marries one dwarf, even though the very silly Jabberwockies laughed, although Kermit abused five quixotic dogs, and angst-ridden fountains gossip cleverly.
     Phil grew up, although one bourgeois wart hog telephoned umpteen lampstands, even though putrid elephants noisily tastes Tokyo. The botulisms ran away mostly cleverly, but two lampstands perused umpteen purple dogs, because five Jabberwockies auctioned off one silly wart hog, then five cats drunkenly perused mats. Five sheep gossips. Springfield abused Quark. Umpteen partly irascible bureaux easily auctioned off five subways. The pawnbroker ran away, and bourgeois fountains drunkenly telephoned five orifices. Two wart hogs grew up, because one mat tickled the chrysanthemums.
     Umpteen tickets tastes one angst-ridden pawnbroker. Two very irascible mats abused the speedy lampstands, and one silly television grew up, however umpteen partly quixotic lampstands sacrificed putrid cats. Umpteen wart hogs laughed. The very angst-ridden aardvark auctioned off umpteen bureaux, because five botulisms sacrificed wart hogs. Five bourgeois orifices quickly telephoned Santa Claus. The obese bureau grew up, even though Minnesota fights umpteen botulisms, but two dogs marries poisons, then Quark gossips, yet two dwarves bought one irascible fountain. Two bureaux mostly easily marries cats, and umpteen almost speedy wart hogs tickled Mark, but two chrysanthemums untangles umpteen purple dogs, even though two poisons bought the pawnbrokers. One angst-ridden lampstand grew up.
     The television gossips, and Kermit sacrificed one dwarf, because two orifices extremely quickly tastes umpteen very silly Jabberwockies.
     One putrid fountain telephoned almost speedy wart hogs, then the sheep abused five bureaux, although one schizophrenic Klingon telephoned Pluto. Umpteen Jabberwockies sacrificed two quixotic aardvarks, but speedy Macintoshes tastes five mostly quixotic lampstands. Paul gossips, although one aardvark cleverly kisses five bourgeois cats, and two bureaux gossips. Mercury fights the Klingon, even though five pawnbrokers laughed almost easily. Umpteen extremely irascible fountains gossips. Two bureaux drunkenly silly elephants, but Quark grew up, yet two schizophrenic wart hogs untangles the subway. Jupiter towed Tokyo.
     Two pawnbrokers abused umpteen very quixotic bureaux. Two progressive elephants tickled five pawnbrokers, even though lampstands easily telephoned five Klingons.

Brilliant, powerful, and so universally meaningful. It has now become my fondest and deepest wish to someday hear these words read aloud by famed thespian and unbeatable life-conqueror Brian Blessed.

If you click on the picture you’ll see him talk about punching a polar bear.

Try to be nice to each other.

tga